Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The #1 quality men want in a wife - someone like their mother

This is according to a study by University of Iowa sociologist Christine Whelan, author of "Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women." Contrast this to "Why men marry bitches" - a bestselling book for women to understand why their nice girl ways don't appeal to the men in their lives.

I have known far too many smart men who have married Barbies and/or bitches. They tend to be adulterers too - the men, that is.

For instance, some years ago, I was just arriving at a party to celebrate the opening ceremonies of the 2002 Olympic games in Salt Lake City, Utah. I was walking across the room to greet friends and associates, when I heard a man exclaim, as he looked pointedly at me and held out his arms: "There's the woman I've been looking for all my life." As luck would have it, it was the husband of my then supervisor - talk about awkward. This is the same man who asked me to visit a "gentleman's club" that he represented as an attorney - in order to see that there was nothing really untoward. I don't need to visit a gentleman's club to know that exploitation goes both ways. On both occasions, I wanted to slap the man's face, but what can one do when one's boss is looking on?

I had this discussion about marriage with a dear friend who is going through a divorce. We are both in agreement with the biblical notion that men and women are to be helpmeets to each other. Ideally, they should have parallel lives - whether that be full time career, full time school or even full time motherhood/fatherhood - they should also have interests outside of each other - interests where they don't have to "ask" permission to participate. They then reconnect during the day or as often as needed to touch base and check in.

I have been seeking a helpmeet for over 10 years and have yet to find him. I don't want to be with a man who wants a bitch, nor with a man who wants someone like his mother, unless his mother was an amazing woman - a great mother, worked inside and/or outside the home and is good friends with him.

A woman has to have high standards as she seeks her helpmeet, or she runs the risk of being traded in for the smarter associate, younger Barbie type, or even the nanny.

For those of you reading this post, it is likely abundantly clear why I am still single.

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