Monday, March 30, 2009

Coffee hour - what women/men want.

For over 20 years while I was a practicing Mormon, I bemoaned the fact that there was no time for socializing on Sundays. Mormons are worker bees - they pride themselves on their work ethic - there are more call centers located in Utah's "Beehive State" than anywhere else in the nation - why? It is a right to work state, Mormons are hardworking and are grateful to have a job - any job - by and large, they marry young and have kids while trying to finish undergraduate school, so that $8 an hour call center job is a necessity to supplement financial aid from school.

I know all about it - I was one of those working Mormon women - worked while my husband went to school - worked really hard as a preschool teacher for a pittance in Kentucky. All because of my belief in the Mormon ethic of hard work etc. Years later, it is my turn to return to college and complete the degree that I began many years ago. I digress.

Fast forward a few years and I have become a lover of coffee since having left my Mormon faith behind during my years of living in Zion - aka - Utah. I love coffee hour - it is a sacred tradition that I hold dear. Each Sunday after worship, I go to the social hall and mingle with parishioners as we discuss the sermon, politics, work, networking possibilities, kids, neighborhood goings on and much, much more.

Yesterday, I was privileged to attend worship with a dear friend who attends a church where the minister was celebrating his one year installation anniversary. There was more than a coffee hour - there was a sumptuous banquet - salmon, baked and fried chicken, salads and rolls and delicious desserts.

I sat at a table with my friend, a separated man (experiencing his second divorce), and a deacon who is celebrating over 30 years of marriage with the same woman. We talked candidly about the sexes and what each of us wants. It was an eye-opening conversation. I heard that women want men to take out the trash and buy them diamonds - I don't want diamonds and I can take out my own trash, thank you very much! Diamonds are blood money and I want no part of it - I will take a QVC Diamonique ring any day - I want a man who meets me half way - a man who has a life and will be a helpmeet to me - one who loves me and cherishes me as much as I love and cherish him. One who accepts me with my weaknesses and my intellect - who is not afraid of my strong opinions and loves mental sparring. I want a man who is passionate and caring, strong and silent, who knows about the world and who his elected officials are - who is committed to making a difference in his community and who is committed to me. I heard that women want men with tons of money - I can earn my own money and buy my own coffee/dinner. I am happy to split the cheque on most occasions, but at the present time, find myself working part time due to the economy. This is but for a season.

What I do know is that I know exactly what I am seeking in a man - I get men on a very fundamental level - which comes not only from having raised 3 sons, but also from the amazing men I am privileged to know intimately - and not in the biblical sense - the two Jim's, Dan and John, Les, Clark, Gordon, Alex, Blaine, Scott and my favorite guy on the planet - for the most part, these men are gay, but that is not what makes them amazing - what makes them amazing is that they know that for years, I was married to a gay man and am therefore not a threat to them, as I am their ally. They are as real as they dare to be with me. I meet them exactly where they are - no expectations, no assumptions.

I love keeping it real.

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