Victory for gays in New York

A few weeks ago, I felt compelled to seek out a GLBT activist in NYC - I wanted to do something - anything - to help forward the case for gay marriage.

I was sent to a call center operated by the SEIU - a union outfit - in order to call registered Democrats to ask them to reach out to their senators and encourage them to vote on the gay marriage initiative currently before them.

As is typical for NYers, I received many gruff, short and mostly offended responses - that was a private matter and I had no business asking them whether they supported gay marriage. Every now and again - say every ten phone calls, I found someone who was not only willing to support the initiative, but would also call their senator asking them to vote yes.

On one such evening during my few weeks on the phones, the room went quiet and we were asked to get off the phones and wrap up our calls quickly. I was amazed to look up and see Ms. Chelsea Clinton appear wearing an equality tee shirt. She spoke eloquently and intelligently - just as her parents - on the issue of gay marriage. Indeed, her father, Bill had spoken out in favor of gay marriage that very day. Chelsea spoke of her own marriage last year and spoke movingly about how she could not comprehend being married to her best friend.

They said it couldn't be done and I am not aware of all the deals made with religious organizations, protecting them from having to perform - gasp - same sex marriages - in the late hours of Friday evening, the news came to my mobile phone via text sent by the HRC. I did not get the news until Saturday - as fate would have it, I had stayed in the city until late on Friday having drinks with a couple of friends. Had I known that the vote was going to come at eleven p.m., I would have left the Financial District and taken the subway to the Village where a massive celebration was underway.

NY is now the 6th state in the union to offer gay marriage. Some with whom I have spoken have shared that while they oppose gay marriage, they believe that gays should have rights in the form of civil unions.

That is like saying slaves could jump the broom while remaining property of their masters - since when are we a nation of second class citizens? This is America where we are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" is it not?

Brown v Board, Jim Crow, Loving v Virginia - are you recognizing a trend here? Some 51% of adults polled nationally according to CNN, are in support of gay marriage.

Change is coming - this is a civil rights issue - gays are not all asking to be married in churches - they simply want the same rights that you and I have as straight people.

I welcome the change!

The case for Jon Huntsman

I had the privilege to live in the great state of Utah for 7 1/2 years. During some of that time, I was fortunate to live in the parochial district and neighborhood of Jon Huntsman, two term governor of Utah.

Jon Huntsman is a compassionate conservative, fiscally prudent, supporter of civil unions which he championed while governor. He is also fully cognizant of the fact that Utah is essentially a theocracy, given that some 70% of residents are members of the Mormon faith. Jon Huntsman teamed up with an unlikely ally - Rocky Anderson - the former mayor of Salt Lake in order to overhaul the archaic and restrictive liquor laws which were in sore need of a revisit since their inception. Jon Huntsman realized that the constrictive laws were costing business revenue and tourist revenue to the state as many would not come and visit given that in order to get an alcoholic beverage (hard liquor), one had to become a "member" of a private club with a fee ranging from $5 to as high as $25 for a year. One could get a friend or club member to sponsor them, but that was easier said than done. That this staunch Republican and Governor could collaborate with a staunch ACLU Democrat and mayor in order to right such an aggregious wrong is testament to the governor's ability to cross party lines for the good of his state and its people.

Jon Huntsman supported civil unions - again, not an easy thing to do, given his staunch and devout Mormon faith. Salt Lake City has a surprisingly large gay community thankfully. Gay pride, the Pride Center, Equality Utah are all part of what makes the community so wonderfully vibrant. Jon gets that while he might differ with gay marriage based on his religion, he should not and does not usurp his beliefs on others. Whilst living in Utah I campaigned against a ballot initiative defining marriage as between one man and one woman - Amendment 3 - unfortunately the amendment passed - this in a state where polygamy - that is, marriage between one man and several women - was what the state was founded on and is practiced to this day in some enclaves.

Jon Huntsman's economic development vision made Utah number one in the nation for economy and job creation - mostly through private corporations and small business - tax incentives are how he accomplished this - his vision is remarkable and broad.

I love that he has spent time living in another country - China of all places - our ally and foe economically and militarily speaking - he knows that there is a significant trade deficit between the two countries and the disparity between what China takes in versus what they ship out is growing exponentially.

He might have come late to the party but in this former political appointee's opinion, he is the best candidate the GOP has put forth thus far - yes, even better than flip-flopper Mitt Romney.

A serene and serendipitous Sunday at St. Andrews

After 23 years of living a very different spiritual and religious life as a Latter Day Saint - Mormon - I made a recommitment to the religion of my childhood and returned to the Episcopal Church two years ago. The decision to leave the Mormon faith did not come lightly - indeed it came at a great personal and spiritual cost to me as my regular readers know. Suffice it to say, as a woman of color and great equality and social justice conviction, I could not bear to see the LDS Church treat gays as though they were second class citizens, in much the same way they had treated my people prior to the ACLU threatening to bring a massive lawsuit against the church in the late 1970's unless they extended a hand of fellowship to all people, including blacks.

If I had my druthers, I would often rather spend Sunday mornings in bed with a significant other, reading the Times and eating a leisurely breakfast. For my own good and spiritual wellbeing, I attend worship services whenever possible. My home of late is St. Andrew's Episcopal Church in Hartsdale, New York - I love Father Joe Campo - the former Catholic priest who left the priesthood and ultimately the Catholic church and subsequently married what I believe is the love of his life - Mother JoAnne Campo.

Yesterday was a particularly wonderful Sunday and I wanted to share a couple of experiences with my readers: Devereaux is a God-fearing man - he serves as a treasurer and keeps the meagre finances of the church in order. It was his duty and blessing, yesterday, to present a small scholarship to one of our graduating seniors who desires to become an architect. He began to tell a story which I could really relate to - one day, his alarm clock sounded and he struggled to get out of bed - he was exhausted and depressed and did not know how he would make it through the day - try as he might, he could not get up. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his son, Andrew who was up for the day and getting ready for school. He was singing the R. Kelly song, "I believe I can fly". That was just the push Devereaux needed - he got up and went about his day renewed from hearing his young son's innocent admonitions - unbeknownst to the on - he had inspired his father. Devereaux then sang the song, with the congregation joining in, many in tears, myself included and exhorted the young graduate to listen to that song as she becomes discourages through the course of her college career.

I needed to hear that story for myself - I had such a difficult week - struggling to maintain my equilibrium with my bi-polar and to complete a large amount of work for the final portion of my religion class at Concordia - I wondered why I was incurring such debt at my age, working so very hard and given the challenges of bi-polar disorder and how that affects my mood and learning capabilities - I struggled to comprehend whether I had truly made the correct decision.

After listening to Devereaux speak, i knew that God had indeed spoken to me and led me to Concordia College, a small private Lutheran college, where I could learn in small groups and learn more about him and his teachings.

After the service, I was once more blessed to meet new friends from Riverdale, Caroline and her partner, a former CUNY English professor - a gay couple at St. Andrews! They have been together some 20 years and are clearly deeply in love. I joked with them that if only gays could marry (in New York it is still not allowed but we are hopeful it will pass the legislature next year - third time is, after all a charm) - they wouldn't marry straight. I shared that I wish I had had Eunice as a professor and she indicated that she has mellowed with age and I probably wouldn't have liked her when she was teaching - she was evidently hard on her students in those days and admitted as much. Eunice is now reviewing off-Broadway plays and loves it! In fact, I was at Trader Joe's and saw a tee shirt advertising the Public theatre that came highly recommended by Eunice.

I love Sundays - it makes for a great start to the week! Thanks to Father Joe, Devereaux and most of all to my new friends, Caroline and Eunice.

A Bad Call on Gay Rights

I knew that eventually there would be issues coming out of the Obama Administration with which I would not agree - frankly, I had not expected that it would be this soon, nor on this subject. Certainly not given what he stated about being a supporter of gay rights on is campaign trail.

In the 1967 Supreme Court case of Loving vs. Virginia, the Court ruled that a mixed (black and white) couple could indeed be married. It is of interest to note that President Obama, with his mixed heritage does not grasp the connection between this aggregious wrong and the fact that his parents would not have been allowed to be married-hell, he might not even have been born.

I am tired of these lame arguments that judges use to defend DOMA - Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I am tired of my gay brothers and sisters who do not have the opportunity to marry- and now, even in those states where they are allowed to marry legally, those unions are not recognized in other states, nor do they have to be, according to the Administration - not in NY, thanks to the wisdom and foresight of Governor David Paterson.

Please take time to read this poignantly written editorial piece from the NY Times today - and then write to the President: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/16/opinion/16tue1.html?_r=1

Don't ask, don't tell - Op-Ed: A Gay Soldier's Husband

There are some 65,000 gay and lesbian soldiers serving presently. Their lives are no different than those of straight people, except: They cannot marry, they cannot have domestic partner benefits, they cannot come out and live openly gay, or they risk being expelled from the service and the deepest cut of all - they can't be the one to hear the news of whether a loved one serving overseas has not made it.

I just watched this video clip on the NY Times and was moved to tears. Why can't we repeal "Don't ask, don't tell." We had Brown vs. Board of Education and desegregated schools, we gave women the right to vote, we had Loving vs. Virginia and had the supreme court outlaw mysogeny (interracial marriage), so why can't we outlaw discrimination against gays?

I was having this conversation with a family member recently who is opposed to gay marriage - many years ago, a gay friend quoted me something she had seen on a t-shirt which basically stated that gays won't marry straights if they are allowed to marry each other.

For 15 years, I was in a marriage where I was unfulfilled, miserable and desperately lonely. The only things my former husband and I had in common were our deep and abiding faith in the Mormon Church and our four remarkable boys.

The pain and anguish that I felt when he finally came out still cause me to tear up on occasion to this day - I remember telling him - I didn't care that he was gay, but I did care that he lied to me - he was supposed to be my best friend. Those feelings hold true today - we are friends - no longer as close as we were, there has been way too much pain and betrayal, but we maintain a friendship for the sake of our children.

Unless people have been on my side of the equation, they should stop speaking out against gay marriage.

The couple who were so beautifully portrayed in this video are a regular couple (the individual in the military is in Iraq and was not able to be videotaped) - they live in a beautiful home, but when they write letters to ea ch other, they have to censor them and be so careful about whawt they write, lest someone should find out their secret.

It is time to repeal Don't ask, don't tell - it is not working, it is unamerican and unconstitutional.

Scenarios: Which US States might legalize gay marriage next

After yesterday's crushing defeat, I have had time to regroup and believe that we allies will come back stronger than ever to a victory on Proposition 8 - we will take this back to the voters and do amazing grassroots advocacy and outreach and be sure that anyone who has an interest in equality and civil rights, clearly understand what this issue is about - fairness, equality and civil rights.

I am not generally given to the use of cursing when writing, but on this issue, my blood boils. Those ultra conservatives who have taken the gay marriage issue and turned it into a media circus and an issue about morals have hijacked the cause for which we allies are so desperately fighting. In my own version of a couple of quotes heard on this debate: "Focus on your own damn family, and I will stay the hell out of your church!"

This is not about my wanting to marry a woman of my choosing in your church - I am straight, after all - it is about my wanting to marry a woman of my choosing in a city hall, park, any venue, but by a minister who believes in being open and affirming, if I so choose, by a justice of the peace or anyone else who is recognized as being capable of performing the ordinance of marriage.

This is about fairness, equality, civil rights and doing what is right for the people of the great state of California and any other state in the Union that chooses to extend gay marriage.

The fight is far from over - and this article that posted on Reuters late last afternoon proves it - provocative reading for sure.

http://mobile.reuters.com/mobile/m/FullArticle/p.spr/CPOL/npoliticsNews_uUSTRE54P69220090526?p=1

New York Governor to propose legalizing same-sex marriage

This headline from the CNN online ticker surprised me today. David Paterson has stepped into the fray of gay rights marriage and sees, as do I and countless others, that this is akin to passing hate crimes legislation - it is a civil rights issue.

I had thought that the Governor would wait until he had been elected and was safely esconced in Albany for 4 years prior to taking on this hot potato - at least, I read as much last year. Clearly he has taken a calculated risk in coming "out" like this relative to such a highly political issue.

Here is an excerpt from the story: "There is clearly a problem in that those individuals who are gay or lesbian who would live in a civil union are still not entitled to somewhere between 1,250 and 1,300 civil protections" available to married couples, Paterson said. "We would like to try to address that at some point in the near future."

And: "Former Gov. Eliot Spitzer introduced the same bill in 2007. It passed in the Assembly 85-61 but died in the state Senate.

The bill's chief supporter in the Senate, Democratic state Sen. Thomas Duane, said Paterson "knows how hard it is to pass this kind of legislation."

"He worked to try to pass hate crime legislation for many years," Duane said. "I know how strongly the governor feels about this kind of civil rights legislation."
Paterson has previously said he is committed to bringing "full marriage equality in New York State."

"No governor in the history of New York has been at the forefront," said Kellner. "He realizes it is the civil rights movement of the 21st century."
Duane agreed. "I also know that he [Paterson] knows that this will be a defining moment."

I am hopeful that the GLBT community will be able to organize and lobby senators and legislators on this issue so that we can get the bill passed in Albany - Equality is right. I will be in Albany on April 28th for Equality and Justice Day - I encourage my GLBT friends and allies to do the same.

Here is the link to the story: http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/04/14/ny.same.sex.marriage/index.html?eref=rss_politics&iref=polticker

Vermont has spoken

Wow and wow again!

The Governor thought that he could overturn the decision to allow gay marriage in Vermont - did he ever underestimate the lobbying and grassroots activism and power in the GLBT and allies community.

A poll today conducted by AOL asked whether people support gay marriage - 54% said no and 46% said yes. The gap is certainly closing between the supporters and the naysayers.

I was at a wonderful church service this past Sunday. The congregation was incredibly diverse - children, young and old, couples, singles and my favorite - gay couples - openly gay couples who are loved, appreciated and accepted in the Episcopal church. They have an outreach program for GLBT churchgoers and truly go out of their way to be their "brother's keeper".

This victory in Vermont speaks volumes - I predict that California's Proposition 8 will be overturned by the California Supreme Court.

It is coming whether people want it or not - EQUALITY FOR EVERYONE!

Iowa court ruling legalizes gay marriage

It was only a matter of time. We GLBT allies have been waiting a long time for this.

Here is the link to the story that posted just over an hour ago on AOL news via the AP: http://news.aol.com/article/iowa-gay-marriage/411448

On the eve of the assassination of Doctor ML King 41 years ago, we are celebrating civil rights victories. And now, the Iowa supreme court has ruled that gay marriage is legal in that state. This comes on the heels of Vermont's ruling yesterday evening.

For years, gays have been marginalized, maligned and mistreated just for their sexual orientation. They have been subjected to discrimination that only a few years ago would have been unconscionable were they directed towards the black community.

Friends, it is a question of patience - It is my fervent hope that Proposition 8 will likely be overturned in California, and gay marriage is debated on and voted on in the NY State Senate, and other states will have to finally begin to accomodate gay couples and therefore, gay marriage.

What a wonderful day!

Vermont lawmakers give ok to gay marriage

It is unprecedented - historic - a day for rejoicing and celebration for all GLBT, progressives and allies across the country.

As a writer, I try really hard to be objective, but this decision takes on personal significance for me. My regular readers and friends know that I was married for 15 years to a person who was gay - we remain close friends, but the bottom line is simple: Had gay marriage been an option, we likely would not have spent 15 years spinning our proverbial wheels, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole - no pun intended. I have so many friends and associates who are gay and have become an ally for GLBT causes.

I was recently encouraged to see Mayor Bloomberg endorse gay marriage again. I hope to attend a day of lobbying in Albany in April to address GLBT issues and the gay marriage issue as well.

Here is an excerpt of the article that rang true to me - it is why I ultimately, and with deep sadness, had to make the painful decision to leave my religion (The Mormon/LDS Church) of some 20 plus years: "Opponents of the measure spoke of their respect for its advocates. One, Rep. Albert "Sonny" Audette, expressed sadness at having concluded he was required by his church to vote no.

"I am a devout Catholic," Audette said. "My religion at this point would not want me to vote for this. I wish that I could and I hope for the best and I congratulate the people who are trying to get this through."

What would Jesus do in a case like this? What would he have done about slavery, or the Nazi occupation, or the Rwanda genocide or the massacre in Darfur?

This is a civil rights issue and again, equal means everyone - when one of us is marginalized, we are all lesser people.

Here is the link to the entire story as posted on USA Today: http://sprint.usatoday.mlogic3g.com/236583/news/

Who are those haters anyway? Gay rights is a human rights issue

I have long maintained that gay marriage is a civil rights issue. It is as important a civil rights issue as women's suffrage or the civil rights movement. Had men not stood up with women to have the vote, they would still be deemed property and not have the right to vote. Had whites not stood up with blacks, they would still not have the right to vote.

I often hear people speak of gays and pedophiles in the same light. One is an abhorrent, hurtful and deviant lifestyle, and the other is a sexual orientation. We cannot and should not lump them together.

Why can't we have more men teaching preschool? Why doesn't the government pay for all men who want to teach school to complete their undergraduate work and graduate work so that for all those young men and women growing up in fatherless homes, they have a role model in the classroom, on a daily basis. How serious are we about education reform really?

I digress. We often hear of parents expressing dismay over male preschool and Sunday school teachers. Why the outrage? They are convinced that these men will molest their children. Statistically speaking, most pedophiles (some 65%) are self proclaimed heterosexuals.

Some years ago, one of my sons was manhandled quite violently at a church-sponsored Boy Scout camp. I was chagrined and horrified when he explained to me what had transpired: he had been sleeping in a tent with a kid who threw up and he and the other tentmates wandered around, trying to find a clean place to crash. As fate would have it, they ended up in the tent of a boy whose dad was one of the counselors at camp.

When he saw the boys up and about, he flew into a rage, slamming my son into a tent wall, ripping his shirt and sending his friend into the fire, still glowing with embers. My son never went back to scouts after that - he was so close to getting his Eagle Scout - I talked to the local police and they assured me that this man was a decent man and attended church services regularly and pretty much talked me out of pressing charges.

My point is that I would much rather have my sons be with good, decent, well rounded men, straight or gay, than with scary overbearing men with anger and rage issues, straight or gay.

What are civil rights anyway?

There is a nasty rumor swirling around Proposition 8 in California. The reason it was successful was due in large part to African American so-called Christians. Another reason is the LDS Church and other conservative Christian factions.

As a a woman of colour who is formerly LDS, I find this report to be disturbing on so many levels. Blacks were subjugated to slavery and horrors of Jim Crow laws and mysegyny and Mormons were tarred, feathered, raped, murdered, chased from state to state and finally came to Utah after an extermination order was issued against the entire religion in the 1800's by Governor Boggs - the governor of Missouri. Can you imagine such a thing in our lifetime? What is even more amazing is that the LDS Church is visiting hate and oppression on another group - have they forgotten their history?

I spoke recently with someone who told me of a story that happened at one of California's well-known newspapers. It seems that an employee's picture was defaced when another employee wrote the word: "Lesbo" on her picture. This employee was shell-shocked - her usually upbeat and bubbly personality stunted by such a vicious act. My friend went to HR to report the incident and then went again to make out an official complaint.

I repeat my thought from earlier in the week - "when one person is marginalized, we are all marginalized"- there are not enough gays in the country to "threaten" traditional marriage - and on another note - if traditional marriage is so good, why is the divorce rate so high?

41 years ago, my previous marriage to my Caucasian husband would have been illegal - thanks to Loving vs. Virginia, the supreme court decision that outlawed such nonsense, we were able to marry, have 4 amazing children and enjoy a good life for 15 years. Allowing gays to marry would not make my marriage any less valid as a result.

I wish that people would stay out of the private affairs of others - if we all minded our business like watches, like my mum says - life would be much easier.

Proposition 8 and Loving vs. Virginia - Equality means everyone

My heart is heavy lately. Part of it sings at the election of our remarkable 44th president - Barack Obama. The other part mourns for my gay brothers and sisters who continue to be treated like second class citizens.

The California supreme court is going to hear proposition 8 challenges and the United Church of Christ has joined others in a lawsuit to receive redress for what they believe to be an unconstitutional action. Here is a link to the story: http://www.ucc.org/news/calif-supreme-court-to-hear.html - you can also link to the UCC website at http://www.ucc.org/

Many of you know that my children are bi-racial - for 15 years I was married to their father, a man whom I loved deeply who is also gay. We divorced when his sexual orientation became known to me. Note that I use the words sexual orientation, not preference. Straight people take for granted that we are opposite sex attracted, and not same sex attracted - we must choose our words carefully when speaking of this important issue.

Ironically, our marriage would not have been permitted in many states in the nation some 41 years ago, prior to the supreme court decision in Loving vs. Virginia.

We have come so very far with civil rights and yet our gay brothers and sisters are required to take a seat at the back of the bus. No marriage, no domestic partner benefits, no tax breaks, etc, etc, etc.

Let us continue to pray for a resolution to this situation - a fair and equitable one, where none feel threatened (except those bigots who would be threatened over something else, were it not for this). Let us continue to implore our elected officials to be mindful of gay rights and remember that equality is for everyone - it is not a choice, but a right. Equality means everyone - when one person is marginalized, we all are.