A day in the city

I spent the day in the city yesterday - I work in the city every day but Wednesdays, so to spend a day to myself in the city is rare.

I started at the Guggenheim museum where I met a lovely couple from Paris - they exhorted me to visit their amazing city at some point in my life - Ironic that as much traveling as I have done, the city of Paris has yet eluded me. I plan to start traveling in Europe again this year, beginning with a trip to London for Christmas. I had a lovely conversation with a newly wed from Alabama - she had a charming Southern drawl and the most beautiful engagement/wedding ring that she had chosen for herself - she was thrilled to be in NYC and wants to come again.

I then stopped on the street outside the museum and picked up an amazing piece of art that depicted New York's museums - I met Sam, a street vendor - 25 years old and from the Ukraine - his father is a surgeon and for one year, he went to college in the Ukraine and worked alongside his father in the hospital. He then decided that medicine is not for him and came to NYC to be a student. He loved it so much, he stayed - it has been two years, his English is phenomenal. We talked about how much we both love this country, America, and most of all, NYC - our adopted "homes" - he lives in Brooklyn and you may recall that I live in Westchester - the city life is a little too frenetic for a person with Bipolar disorder - I cannot live at that pace constantly - certainly not in the areas that I could afford - perhaps if I were to live on the UES or UWS, that would be different - let's see if I become a famous writer and make it in NYC - then I would consider moving into the city. Sam reminded me of Ryan - my oldest son - he is a snowboarder and surfer - they have that in common - and he loves art and reading. He shared that he goes to a local Catholic church and borrows books from their lending collection and reads voraciously, just like Ryan - we exchanged contact information and he will meet Ryan when he comes to live in New York in the summer.

I met a man who was with the remarkable group "Ready, Willing and Able" - he was keeping the streets of New York clean and shared with me that he was moving to Orlando in March - having secured a job and an apartment - what a miracle and a result of hard work - I love when people create their own miracles!

Finally, I had lunch at Demarchellier - an amazing French restaurant and was fortunate to sit next to an amazing couple - Jim and Laurie - they are from Alaska and were visiting the city for the day while on a trip to New Jersey to stay with a cousin. Jim and Laurie are very much in love and the kind of couple that makes one want to be in a relationship - I wish Kevin had been there to meet them. Then again, we might not have had such an in depth conversation had he been there - we tend to talk to other people when out, but spend most of our time deep in conversation with one another.

I learned that not all Alaskans like Ms. Palin, and while Jim is a hunting guide, he is not an NRA fanatic, nor is he a Republican - he is pretty liberal. They have been together for 14 years or so and are clearly a great match. I could see it in the way they spoke and looked at one another - I felt almost like an intruder. We talked about divorce and relationships - all of us had experienced the ravages of being divorced and neither of us was particularly interested in remarrying - Jim and Laurie have the yin and yang that makes relationships work - he is busy with his business, Laurie works as a nurse - she might even be retired now - they spend time together as often as they can, which is rare, given his schedule. They love to travel and spend time..........

It was a wonderful day in the city - I feel happy whenever I have a day when I meet great people and yesterday was one of those days.

I took the train back up to Westchester and started in on my literature class at Concordia - there is lots of reading and writing to do, so my blog will likely take back seat this month - we shall see.

Cafe Angelique in the village and a day in Manhattan

I love the village. It is quirky, funky, quintessentially New York and hip with great coffee places, boutiques et al. It is my favorite place to hang out in the city after the museums, that is.

Yesterday, I was there with my sweetie after a quick trip to the Metropolitan. It was a busy day - I had business to attend to and my consulting firm is finally picking up steam. I just added a new partner who is based in California - her name is Andrea Moore Emmett, author of the amazing God's Brothel - a story about polygamy, published in Ms. Magazine, participant in Bridging the Religious Divide - former NOW President - her bio is amazing and I can't believe we are friends. She is remarkable.

I met a phenomenal woman. She was in Cafe Angelique and is expecting her second baby boy - she looked absolutely radiant! I told her so as I noted the beautiful flowing orange shirt she wore over her beautiful bulging tummy. She has just one month left until her delivery and is in her 40's. Her name is Jennifer. She is married 11 years to her soul mate and her face lights up when she speaks of him - I am not generally cynical, but can be about love. Now that I have found my life partner and soul mate, I am less cynical.

Kevin gets me in a way no other man has before him - he is there for me through it all - ups and downs, a cheerleader, someone who wants to see me succeed and who gives me space, time and room to breathe. He is a breath of fresh air and I thank God I found him. After all I have gone through in life, even my horrible divorce and the coming out of my former husband that precipitated it, after my highs and lows, unemployment and underemployment, he continues to be there for me. He is absolutely not like my former husband in any way, except for the Irish roots. When Kevin is gone from me for more than a few days, I can't breathe - that's how much I love him.

Jennifer would like me to meet her soul mate and husband and I hope I do. I also want to go on a double date to the Met some Friday night to listen to the concerts - our first date almost two years ago. We have built a strong foundation for this relationship and no matter what, I promise to love him forever......come what may.

What men want

A friend of mine is going through his second divorce. When we met almost two years ago, he was emotionally shattered - a shell of a man. He is a devoted father to his children and when his first wife left him, he was shocked - she simply decided that she no longer wanted to be a mother to their three adolescent children. Fast forward a few years, he married someone else, not knowing her that well (they dated a mere few months) and after raising their one child together for a few years, she decided that she, too, would leave, taking the child far away and having the one thing she always wanted - a child of her own - her very own, that is - and some padding in her bank account. Fortunately, he has weathered the storm and has rebounded and is doing nicely - in a few months, he will be ready to date and who knows what will happen in his life after that - I predict only good things will come to him in the world of relationships - he has learned a great deal about women and himself with the help of a great therapist - thank God for those!

I just read an interesting story on AOL Health about this same scenario - that is, women who give up their relationships for their children. I was in the opposite situation in my marriage of 15 years - my former spouse spent far more time with the children than he did with me - to the point that I became resentful of their movie dates, football games and wrestling on the living room floor (I have four sons). Looking back, it was his way of telling me that he didn't want a wife (he is gay), but wanted the package of children - no surprise that three of the four boys live with him by their own choosing.

What men want is a woman who is devoted to them above their children - they have no desire to be second on the totem pole, and frankly, nor should they be. They deserve to have that same love and desire that brought the couple together initially - granted, those levels change some with motherhood, hormones and such, but basically, they want to be needed.

Men also want a woman who has a life - she needs to have a focus - a career, school, hobbies, volunteer work - something that she does with no attachment to her spouse - something that makes her who she is in and of herself.

Men want a woman who is not afraid to be vulnerable - I heard about that book "Why men love bitches" and was told to read it and decided against it - The men I know don't love bitches, they love good and caring women.

Just one woman's opinion, but I know men really, really well......

He said, she said

I write on occasion about relationships.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of overhearing a lengthy cell phone conversation. On my end was a man in his 20's or early 30's who wanted desperately to see the Yankees game on TV. He had told his girlfriend that they could go and have dinner prior to the game and then go their separate ways and then meet up thereafter. Apparently, she was not happy with that compromise.

He bemoaned this and even said if America's Top Model were on TV and she wanted to watch it, he would have watched it with her.

Give and take - yin and yang. Ebb and flow - boundaries - equlibrium was clearly not in that relationship.

He further confided in the eprson on the other end of the phone line, that he was almost hoping that they got into a fight so that he could just watch the game in peace. He felt guilty about it, he stated, but what choice did he have?

One of my dearest friends in the world is a workaholic. We still manage to speak via phone every day and see each other several times a week, distance of two separate counties notwithstanding. I give him space and he does the same for me - we ebb and flow, have our shared passions and separate obligations.

Yin and yang - ebb and flow.

He really should listen and so should she.